I always refer to Big Boy as “My B.C.E.” (Best Cat Ever). Big Boy was my animal soul mate, and was 14 yrs old when he transitioned over 20 years ago. He was my first cat as an adult, a large, black and grey striped Tiger Cat, who slept on my head EVERY night, and nestled in my hair with a really big purr! When I would turn over in bed, he would turn over and face the other side with me.
Every time I left the house, I felt sadness and guilt, as I never wanted to be away from him. He was my protector and guard kitty, and we had a true heart connection.
We started out in VA Beach together, after my ex-husband and I adopted him from a friend. He was still a young cat, about 8-9 months old. He was allergic to his mother’s milk, so he had been bottle-fed, and bonded to humans as a young kitten. We moved to Japan together for 5 years, then to Georgia, and finally back to VA Beach.
After our last move to VA Beach, Big Boy developed cancer in the head area. This started affecting his vision and hearing. I was so attached to this cat, though, and was of the mindset that as long as he had the will to live, I would honor that. In reality, I just didn’t ever want to let him go. His condition continued to deteriorate, but I was determined to keep holding on to him. This was the cause of much of my guilt, as he was in pain, and I was oblivious.
The day before he died, I let him outside to be in the yard, which he loved. He slept outside in the sun for a long time, and then I brought him in. The next day, I noticed that he had “stopped purring,” and being responsive to me. I looked closer at his head, and some flies had laid eggs in there, and they had hatched. He was infested with maggots. I didn’t know what they were right away, but when we figured it out, I was mortified.
We took him to the emergency vet immediately and had him humanely euthanized. How could I have let this happen? I berated myself for 20 years at how selfish I was, and insensitive for not seeing the amount of pain he was in. I shut myself off emotionally towards other animals, although I took in many, many strays after that.
I am only just now starting to open up my heart to these beautiful animals that I currently have, thanks to the healing power of Tapping (EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique). Tapping has helped we work through the guilt, self- condemnation, self- hate, regret, selfishness, and sadness that I stuffed for 20 years.
I’m finally able to let go of this, and move on. I’m grateful to Big Boy for the love and gifts he gave to me, and for the healing I can now help bring to others through Tapping.
I've prepared a free 20 minute video for you to Tap along with, for Healing After the Death of Your Pet. Go to the bottom of the EFT Tapping page, and you will see it!